worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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