either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
