You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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