Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
