Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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