My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
