pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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