he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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