It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
