She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
