She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
