Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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