my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
