I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We just shotgunned beers for America
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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