After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
