Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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