She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
