Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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