Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
