OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
