My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
