Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
