I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
