The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Randomize
