what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
