Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I made him laugh his dick is mine
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
