Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
