who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
