you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
