I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The best revenge is premature balding
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
