its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
