I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
