my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
