just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
