from now on my penis is your penis
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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