Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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