then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
