Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
