Don't make out with my wife yet
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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