Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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