I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
