I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
