there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
