we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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