It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
