I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
