I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
