he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
