I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
