Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
