I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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