i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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