We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
