i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize