imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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