you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
