I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Randomize
