everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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