Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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