she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize