She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
