Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
