Hey man sorry I got all grabby
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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