Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
