It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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