the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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