Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
