Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
