he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Hippo gnu deer
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
