closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
