By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
