i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
