The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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