absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I love you. Go after that dick
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
