It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
