i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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