is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
