i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Come share oat with me in your robe
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
