Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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