so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
false alarm. still invincible.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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