and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
