so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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