I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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