so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
