I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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