Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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