I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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