I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Randomize
