I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
