see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
