dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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