But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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