went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Ladies don't puke and tell
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