I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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