Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize