i already hear my dad disowning me
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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