He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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