You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
