chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
