i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
