If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
