She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just sucked dick on a ferry
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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