The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
