No stitches, just platelets and will power
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
