i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He's a Shit stain on my heart
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
