im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
