you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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