i permit you to call me
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
