he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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